Written by We’ve talked about getting married for a few years now and we both felt ready to commit to each other, assuming everyone would be happy for us. Now, we’re just hoping her parents will come to accept or at least tolerate our relationship. My fiancée loves her parents deeply and it’s been painful to see her go through the heartbreak of their rejection.
She’s from Japan, where it’s customary for the groom to ask the bride’s father in person for permission to marry. Before I had the chance to do that, my fiancée told her mother about our plans over the phone and her mother immediately rejected the idea. I’ve met her mother once before, but I haven’t had the opportunity to meet her father.
A few months later, her parents came to the U.S. for a visit, but they made it clear they didn’t want to meet me. As far as I know, they don’t know much about me beyond what my fiancée has told them. We haven’t had the chance to build any kind of relationship, so it’s hard to understand exactly why they’re so opposed to our marriage.
We’re hoping the power of love can help us or at least make us come to peace with our decision to marry. We’re kindly asking you to provide some input or just vote ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on whether we should proceed with the wedding. If we have enough people voting yes – we’ll share this post with her parents in the hope of given them a new perspective. I understand that using a voting method on the internet to decide whether to get married isn’t ideal and that her parents may not be swayed by the opinions of others. But we hope that with enough yes votes and thoughtful comments they will ultimately join us in celebrating our wedding.
And obviously, if you think it’s selfish of us to get married against her parents’ wishes, then vote ‘no’ and please provide comments so we can consider all sides.
Thank you very much in advance for your help.
Version 1
Version 2 (in Japanese)
Follow Up
Love is a pretty amazing thing. It can conquer all sorts of obstacles, even disapproving parents but this is your journey and the most important thing is that you’re happy together. Keep the love alive and don’t let anyone get in the way of your happiness.
Wishing you both a lifetime filled with love, laughter, and great adventures.
Best!
Congratulations on your engagement! Wishing you both best of luck and hope everything works out!
If they still don’t want to meet, send them a letter instead and go get married
Good luck.
yes vote go for it! Marriage is a joyful time! Don’t let others bring you down! If they don’t want to meet just call them and if they don’t pick up leave them a message. Done move on. Just make sure you take care of your wife and vice versa.
Yes vote. Congrats!
Years ago, my wife and I were in a similar situation. I used to question whether she was the right person for me because, in my perspective, marriage meant committing to your spouse, not their parents. However, a few years into our marriage, I had the opportunity to get to know her better and gain a deeper understanding of her culture. I’m grateful that I was mistaken in my initial assumptions and glad that I kept trying and finally had a conversation with her parents, even though it was awkward and it didn’t seem like they were particularly welcoming.
In retrospect, when I interact with my in-laws today, we maintain a friendly demeanor towards each other. Although it’s not always perfect, with smiles and warm gestures, what matters most to me is that I honored my wife’s culture values and this mutual respect and understanding has been the cornerstone of our successful marriage over the years.
My suggestion is to give it another try and if that doesn’t yield any results, consider reaching out to them through email or a phone call. Your efforts will help you win your wife’s affection and perhaps, build a stronger connection with your future in-laws.
Its tough and sort of stressfull that her parents are not accepting.I have read of other similar cases.And with time the parents will be accepting esp.if they see their daughter is happy.
So go get married and keep us updated.
🤞
She loves you and you love her. She is following her cultural tradition of having you ask her father for permission, but he refused to meet with you. This leaves you with no alternative but to proceed with your plans to marry her. If after all these years, she still hesitates, it may indicate that her love for you is not as deep as it should be. In an ideal relationship, there should be no obstacles hindering your love and commitment to each other. I would personally find it disheartening that her parents did not want to meet with you or provide their approval. I might even contemplate cutting ties with them unless there’s some negative information about you that you haven’t shared, but I’m fairly certain that’s not the case, given that they know very little about you apart from the fact that you are not Japanese and live in a different country.
You’ve already waited a long time, whether it’s a matter of culture or not. You’ve made an effort, but the parents do not approve. If I were in your shoes, I would go ahead with the wedding if that’s what I originally wanted. That’s just my perspective. Best of luck!
Just do it. Have it at a beach or park and invite us all. Make it huge celebration!